Thursday, January 22, 2015

Saying good-bye...

This is Nazomi. 

He's a Dream of Doll Kirill, and I purchased him in 2007. I am devoting this post to him because I am selling him.

Ordinarily I try not to dwell on the selling of a doll as I try to come to complete terms with it by the time I sell them and I'm more than ready for them to move on. At this point I've already sold two full dolls and two floating heads. It's not the most fantastic feeling in the world to realize a doll would probably be more suitable for a different home, but it's sometimes a necessary evil. But Nazomi is a little bit different. Nazomi is special.

He was, after all, my first doll.

I know there's a lot of differing opinions about selling one's first dolls. Some owners simply can't dream of it. Some owners hold onto their first even after they no longer like the sculpt. For some owners the sentimentality makes it worth it to keep first dolls around even long after they've been outgrown.

And other owners are different. Some sell their first doll within the first year. Some owners don't have a strong emotional bond to their dolls. Some owners never felt attached to their first at all and viewed them as a starter doll.

Neither type of owner is correct or incorrect. There are all sorts of reasons after all as to why someone may or may not choose to sell their first doll. And up until recently I was always in the camp of never being able to let him go. He is, still, quite special. He was the first doll I was truly smitten with and saved vigorously for. I purchased him as a graduation/birthday gift to myself. He arrived to me in my very first apartment on my own, and his arrival date just happened to fall on the birth of my cousin's very first son. He represented an original character who meant a lot to me and I had created in my final years of high school during a very difficult time in my life. Needless to say, he was quite precious to me.

But a lot changes in 7 years.

My tastes have changed. Even this little picture of him shows just a fraction of the amount of work that has been put into him in order to hopefully get him to look the way I want. He's been through more face-ups, wigs and outfits than any of my other dolls in a desperate attempt to get him to look how I envisioned. But there was always an underlying structural issue. His nose and lips were too thin. His chin was too pointy. Something, anything that could not be changed.

His importance to me as a character changed a lot as well. Although I still immerse myself in the fictional world that fuels my creative juices, the character of Nazomi had changed drastically, and is no longer as an important influence on me as he once was. He's no longer even a he!

I admit, it was a long process to accept the fact that he needed to be let go. Every time I looked up and saw him on the shelf, I was stung was annoyance over the money I poured into him and no matter how hard I tried, he just didn't aesthetically appeal to me anymore. Sometimes I would imagine what I would do if I could start over, would I get the same dolls? The answer was always yes...except for Nazomi. But I couldn't get over the guilt. He was my first doll!

Eventually, I caved. It wasn't easy. But after a lot of thought, I realized this doll had served his purpose to me. He helped me into an amazing hobby. He brought to life a character that was precious to me and encouraged me to continue chasing after my writing and artistic pursuits. He was an amazing inspiration to me that will continue on even after the doll is gone.

So this sweet Kirill is going to a new home. He is no longer Nazomi, and that's okay. Getting rid of the physical form does not diminish the spirit of his character, nor does it erase the wonderful memories he's brought me. I'll carry them with me and hope he can bring just as much joy and imagination to his new owner.

Good by Kirill.

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