Friday, January 16, 2015

Late to the trend

 I will fully admit, when I used to think of deer in Lolita, my mind usually went to something like this:

So cute! So adorable! So something I would never be confident enough to use in public without feeling like I raided my 4 year old cousin's toy chest.

It was sad, but true. Deer were very cute and lovely, but somehow I had warped them in my mind into something that was almost strictly associated with sweet Lolita. Huge eyes, pink fur and often associated with other baby animals, they were so sugary they made both my teeth and heart ache at the same time. I loved them, but I already knew through my trials in sweet Lolita that they would just not be for me. And somehow, through all of this, I was missing out on just how versatile they had truly grown to be within the Lolita community.

But then all of that changed when one day I was browsing through My Lolita Dress and stumbled across this beauty.

It was like something had flipped a switch in my brain. Those soft, muted colors. That A-line, flattering cut. Such beautiful, elegant embroidery. It was all!

I know. I missed out on a lot.

But I think that's what happens sometimes when we get into our heads that trends are an inherently bad thing.  We read about the lack of originality and the boredom, and it can sometimes urge us to back off from exploring something we might truly love. After all, who wants to a bandwagon jumper?

But I ordered that dress. And I learned something.

I didn't care.

I didn't care if I was joining a trend that many had long since considered tired and drawn out. 

I didn't care if I was joining the masses with a dull, unimaginative coord that had been done a thousand times before.

I didn't care if my dress looked matronly or my accessories didn't perfectly match.

And most importantly?

I still don't care!

I'm not a very confident person, and as much as I loathe to admit it, I often put too much stock in what other people think of me. But allowing myself to love and adore deer and wade as deep into this trend as I want has taught me something I should have realized a long time ago. That is to say, I would never be able to cultivate and accept my own personal style as a reflection of who I am if I continued to shape that perception based off of what other people wanted. 

 I know this is something most people realize by their late teens. But for me, this is a huge revelation. I know it's still going to be a struggle. I'm still going to feel that pressure and that doubt. But I hope that every time I look into a sweet little doe eyed face, I'll be reminded that I am my own person, that trends might come and go and that's okay to get swept up in them, and that my only goal should be to wear and express myself however makes me happy.

Innocent World
My Lolita Dress
Yay deer!

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