Redefining "Mature"

So I know it's been a pretty slow months as far as updates go. I'm not going to lie, between wedding planning (and all the awesome DIY crafts that go along with it), gearing up for NaNoWriMo and preparing for summer at work (our busiest season), Lolita simply hasn't been on the forefront of my mind.

Well, sort of.

I feel like Lolita is so intrinsically tied into my personal sense of fashion, that even when I'm dressing like a normie, the cute, beautiful aspects of this niche fashion always manages to bleed through. And that's not always a good thing. 

As the days constantly speed on by and I'm approaching such a huge turning point in my life, it's becoming more and more evident that I'm an adult now, and with that requires specific obligations-including my wardrobe. I'm sure a lot of 20-somethings can relate. We're too old to dress like we're still in high school, but not really ready to turn it all in for practical shoes and black pencil skirts. Even more so, I feel like we're a part of a generation that really values self expression, embracing our quirks and shamelessly flaunting our individuality. But how does that all tie into projecting a mature, confident adult image?

Through my travels on in the internet and research into what exactly makes up a respectable, adult-worthy closet, I find I usually come upon something that looks a little like this:

Essentials for an Adult Wardrobe

1. A black, simple blazer

2. A pair of perfectly tailored skinny jeans/boyfriend jeans/bootcut jeans/insert whatever type of jeans are popular at the time of the publication

3. A simple scoopneck white t-shirt and or/a white button up blouse (of the single pocket, pointy collared variety)

4. A classic LBD

5. A jean jacket

Hmmmm.  I'm seeing an unsurprising lack of mentioning of anything remotely, well, frilly.

Okay, I get it. These really ARE the staples of a classic, timeless wardrobe and I won't dispute that. But what about the person wearing these clothes? What about someone like me who abhors pants of any style, fit or fabric and only owns one pair of jeans for farm work? Or additionally hates jeans on any garment, including the beloved jean jacket? Or who strictly wears t-shirts only for sleeping?

I can very easily gather a wardrobe like all the guidelines suggest. I can dress like a traditional grown up if a really wanted to. But that's just it-why are adults only allowed to fall within such a narrow definition to be considered mature? Why are details like lace, pastels and delicate fabrics treated with such disdain, and when included only so with the cautionary reminder to mix it up with something "masculine" like a jean or leather jacket and chunkier jewelry? Why is any outfit that is completely and 100% made up of traditional "feminine" elements viewed with such negativity?

I don't really have the answers to any of the questions. I know that somewhere in there part of the reason is lodged in (America's anyway) deep-rooted cultural mindset that traditional femininity is viewed as weaker or less than masculine traits. These sexist views are changing, but they have been so for many decades and these beliefs aren't just going to go away simply because I want to wear a bow in my hair and not be viewed as someone with a child complex. 

So how does one exactly balance the external with the internal? How do I portray to the rest of the world that I'm a capable, mature adult while still staying true to myself and the person I want to be? I refuse to believe that growing up means letting go of the imagination, creativity and romanticism that fueled me in my younger years and continues to yearn to be expressed on the outside.

I feel like this struggle is one that I am going to continue to battle for the rest of my life. It's a delicate balance, one I've touched on more than once before and still don't have the answer to.  Somewhere in there I'm sure the answer lies in self confidence of some sort, but until I find that holy grail, I will continue on my search.

Onward.

When dresses fail...

Some of you may remember my excited post a couple of weeks ago  about my latest My Lolita Dress review. You know, for this dress:

Well, sadly, not all dreams are meant to come true.

 

When I first tried the dress on it felt lovely. The fabric was comfortable and very lightweight and it flowed around me just as I expected. It was shorter than I was hoping for but I wasn't surprised. It lands just a few inches higher up than I would prefer, though it's nothing that a pretty white chiffon underskirt can't fix. The sleeves are the biggest problem, although it's relatively minor. They are definitely long enough and just as loose as the rest of the dress, but they are a bit snug up top across my shoulders and back. Fortunately this is only when I'm really stretching and it fits fine when I'm otherwise standing or walking normally.

Sadly, when I turned around and looked in the mirror, it was a completely different story. I ain't gonna lie, it was not a pretty picture. The entire dress felt like a frilly, frumpy nightgown. I literally looked like the definition of an overgrown toddler and I felt utterly moronic.

I gotta admit, my heart was pretty crushed.

I took the dress off trying not to cry and put it away. To this day I'm still not entirely sure where I went wrong. I do wear pink in my other, non-Lolita clothes and the mature neckline and understated decorations seemed like the perfect compromise between sweet and classic. But something about this dress just doesn't jive.

A couple days later I did try it on a second time. This time, I tied the waist sash at a different spot, higher on my waist than before. That seemed to help a little. I put my hair up instead of down. I opened the window to let some natural light in. All these things (and heaping dose of under eye concealer ) all made the entire picture not quite so frightful.

Still, it isn't enough. I literally dread the thought of ever wearing this dress in public. I briefly entertained the thought of transforming it into a skirt, but given my lack of skill and the fact that this color and fabric just might not ever look good on me, I've since retired that idea. So, sadly, up for sale it must go. I've never tried to sell off a dress quite so quickly before as I usually try to give them a few chances to mesh with my wardrobe, but this time the decision was pretty easy.

Oh well. Some people just weren't meant to look cute.

The Dress Pt. 2

David's Bridal (1)

Although I had been intending to wait awhile between posts pertaining to me wedding dress shopping escapades, I have to admit the whole ordeal is still so fresh and exciting in my mind that it only makes sense to get it all out in the open now. While it may deviate slightly from my original Lolita-related intent, I find this is just such an important milestone in my life that it's difficult to really ignore it.

So while this little collection of posts might be a bit different than what I usually write about, perhaps that in turn is a good thing as it urges me to take that step forward in broadening my horizons and leaving reviews and examining other fashion outlets outside of strict Lolita.

Now, without further ado, I'd like to start with the first leg of my dress-shopping journey. The one, the only:

David's Bridal.

Yes. Just about every (American) bride knows of them, heard of them and perhaps even has an opinion on them. I've heard it all-from the amazing $99 deals on gorgeous gowns, to the shudder-inducing label as the 'Wal-Mart' of bridal stores. So I admit, this wasn't exactly my number one place to go shopping.

Still, fate has a funny way of turning our plans on our heads. While David's might not have been my top choice to go gown hunting, I was still chomping at the bit to go slip in some floofy white dresses. I had read numerous times online that the best time to go shopping was during the week instead of the weekend. Unfortunately, given how difficult it is for me to take time off work, that didn't seem entirely feasible, especially as I definitely wanted my mother, who also works, with me.

As it so turned out, my office closed down for about two weeks over Christmas and the new year, and I suddenly found myself with quite a few open workdays! I broached the topic to my mother about perhaps finding a day after the new year to make a dress shopping visit and she agreed. Lo' and behold, my little sister wanted to attend, and suggested we bring my cousin, whom we rarely see and would be down for the holiday, with us. Suddenly I found myself with an appointment at David's Bridal the day after Christmas!

Even though it wasn't top on my list of places to visit, I assumed it was a safe place to start. I could try on a few gowns, get an idea of what looked good on me, see some details up close, understand what was within my budget and most importantly, have a totally amazing day with my family. In the end, it turned out to be so much more.

Image from Google-but accurate!

The last time I stepped foot inside of a David's Bridal was almost ten years ago when my cousin was searching for her dress. It was a quick appointment and I remember very little from it. So stepping inside the store was pretty awe-inspiring. I had booked the first appointment of the day and once the doors opened I was floored at how beautiful everything was. Wal-Mart this was most definitely not!

VW351213 in gold/champagne

The second we walked inside I instantly saw this beauty. I admit, I had already been stalking this gown on the David's Bridal website for some time and it was the one dress I absolutely knew I needed to try on that day. It was gorgeous! A Vera Wang design, it had the perfect touch of whimsy with the bow on the front (a design element I have yet to find on ANY other dress), an empire waist that nipped in at the tiniest part of my figure and layers upon layers of gorgeous soft tulle! It was everything I had ever wanted in a wedding gown!

Except it wasn't white.

Yes, for some reason, this dress is not available in white. I had seen this dress in a few photos before and had thought that with the right lighting the gold and champagne might not be very noticeable, and it's true. I certainly don't think the gold is too obvious in this photo, but did I really want to wear something that I would have be trying to disguise all day? Especially as I don't even like gold all that much?

It was pretty heart-breaking. But I refused to give it up. Even when my entire entourage agreed for one reason or another that it wasn't the dress for me, I ignored them. Despite the color, I felt like a pretty princess and I didn't want to take it off. Still, the appointment was just beginning and there were more dresses to be had. So up next, a beautiful gown in stark white...

MK3576

Ah, this dress was so lovely! A David's Bridal design, it too encompassed everything I had wanted-a ballgown, tulle, simple-and it was white! I have to admit, the second they put that veil on you it's almost impossible not to want to get married right then and there.

But something was missing. I couldn't quite place my finger on it, but there was a quality, there was...it. The dress just didn't have it.

But not to fear! That's what a huge selection of sparkly belt, flowers and bows are for! My consultant (and four year old cousin) were quick to rush off and find me a multitude of options that could possible spruce it up a bit. That could hopefully add that touch of dazzle and give that dress it. And I have to admit, there were some very beautiful options.

It was beautiful! It was gorgeous! It had some sparkle now! Some personality! And gosh darn it, did this dress make my waist look good!

You know, from the front.

The side left something to be desired.

It was disappointing. My entire family adored this dress, and I couldn't understand why I didn't. It was everything I had described that I wanted, and yet when it just came down to it...it was boring. I felt like, if a random person was asked to describe a generic wedding dress, this would be it, and no amount of blingy belts could fix it.

But I admit I didn't want to give up on it all at once. After all, it was what I said I wanted. Still, this was only the second dress I had tried on, there were still plenty more to go!

Sadly, this post has already grown quite long, so I will be breaking up the second half of my David's Bridal trip into a second post. I hope so far my review and experience were enlightening!

Part One: Introduction

Part Three: David's Bridal (2)

Part Four: Mafalda's Bridal

Part Five: Bay Area Bridal

Late to the trend

 I will fully admit, when I used to think of deer in Lolita, my mind usually went to something like this:

So cute! So adorable! So something I would never be confident enough to use in public without feeling like I raided my 4 year old cousin's toy chest.

It was sad, but true. Deer were very cute and lovely, but somehow I had warped them in my mind into something that was almost strictly associated with sweet Lolita. Huge eyes, pink fur and often associated with other baby animals, they were so sugary they made both my teeth and heart ache at the same time. I loved them, but I already knew through my trials in sweet Lolita that they would just not be for me. And somehow, through all of this, I was missing out on just how versatile they had truly grown to be within the Lolita community.

But then all of that changed when one day I was browsing through My Lolita Dress and stumbled across this beauty.

It was like something had flipped a switch in my brain. Those soft, muted colors. That A-line, flattering cut. Such beautiful, elegant embroidery. It was all so...so...classic!

I know. I missed out on a lot.

But I think that's what happens sometimes when we get into our heads that trends are an inherently bad thing.  We read about the lack of originality and the boredom, and it can sometimes urge us to back off from exploring something we might truly love. After all, who wants to a bandwagon jumper?

But I ordered that dress. And I learned something.

I didn't care.

I didn't care if I was joining a trend that many had long since considered tired and drawn out. 

I didn't care if I was joining the masses with a dull, unimaginative coord that had been done a thousand times before.

I didn't care if my dress looked matronly or my accessories didn't perfectly match.

And most importantly?

I still don't care!

I'm not a very confident person, and as much as I loathe to admit it, I often put too much stock in what other people think of me. But allowing myself to love and adore deer and wade as deep into this trend as I want has taught me something I should have realized a long time ago. That is to say, I would never be able to cultivate and accept my own personal style as a reflection of who I am if I continued to shape that perception based off of what other people wanted. 

 I know this is something most people realize by their late teens. But for me, this is a huge revelation. I know it's still going to be a struggle. I'm still going to feel that pressure and that doubt. But I hope that every time I look into a sweet little doe eyed face, I'll be reminded that I am my own person, that trends might come and go and that's okay to get swept up in them, and that my only goal should be to wear and express myself however makes me happy.

lightinthebox.com

Innocent World

My Lolita Dress

Yay deer!

My first OOTD!

Happy first official post of 2015 everybody! I'm unsure why, but I'm feeling all sorts of nervous and giddy about this post. I know I've posted outfit shots before, but perhaps I'm so jittery because this isn't a strictly Lolita outfit, even if it is Lolita inspired.

My fiance and I really wanted to dress up and go out for the first day of the year, and I found this gorgeous skirt on sale New Year's eve. It was so exciting to find as there were only two left and one was in my size! It's a lovely knee length with a gorgeous print of Paris on the hem! It instantly reminded me of a beautiful Lolita print and I love the idea of using it to ease my way into possibly wearing more true Lolita prints in the office. Here is how I ended up coordinating it.

Outfit Rundown

Coat: Target

Skirt and blouse: Kohl's

Shoes: Modcloth

Hairbow: Daiso Japan

And a quick shot without the coat. Unfortunately this picture doesn't capture all the detail, but the blouse actually has an adorable bow near the neckline that is so sweet and feminine.

I realize now I probably should have taken a better close up photo of the print as I didn't how difficult it was to see in these photos. I'll be sure to try to stay more mindful of such details in the future. I also tried something a little different with my hair as well (you can even see the bow) and I'm pretty happy with it. It's nothing fancy but I feel like it adds a little more cuteness to the overall look and keeps my hair from completely falling in my face. I'll take more photos next time!

I'm honestly really excited about how this outfit turned out. It's soft and girly, but still gives me a nice feel of Lolita with the printed skirt, delicate hair bow and soft pastels. 2015 is off to a great start!

52 Challenge: Defining my Style

This is a post I've actually been wanting to write for awhile now, but I admit I've been pushing it off for a bit as my wardrobe still remains in a pretty intense state of flux. But enough is enough. I may be in a strange sort of transitioning phase, but that doesn't mean I don't know what I like or want. Quite the contrary, as I work through weeding out the old and carefully picking out the new, I feel that I have a greater appreciation than ever for the style I someday hope to emulate. So, without further ado...

5 key words that describe my personal style

Elegance

 I'm no spring chicken, this I know. And while some beautiful ladies have the confidence and desire to dress like a cupcake no matter what their physical age, I find that as I've grown both in Lolita, and just in experience, my longing to express a sense of sophistication and grace has only grown. Softer, dusty colors, understated jewelry and an emphasis on fabrics and construction rather than prints have become my new focus.

Cute

While this may seem like it contradicts the previous point, I personally don't think so. Although I am not a sweet Lolita, there is no doubt that most styles of Lolita contain and element of sweetness to them. I am not a hardcore Gothic or Classic Lolita, and I am not above adding small details of added cute to my coords to make me feel lovely.

Romance

While some ladies prefer a dramatic, glamorous or hardcore edge to their, I prefer a softer, overall gentler vibe. Romance, to me, represents so much more than a physical love between two people. It can be showcased through fashion by soft fabrics, delicate details and an overall look of mature sweetness.

Image from BitSweet on Etsy

Whimsical 

A bit difficult to describe, but I feel like a sense of light-hardheartedness is essential in my personal style.  Whimsy gives a sense of playfulness, a small detail that requires a double take and makes one simply want to smile.

 Modesty

It is true that modesty is generally an essential aspect of Lolita, but I find this is a stylistic trait that I've grown very particular about. While many Lolita have no problem wearing ankle socks or sleeve-less one-piece dresses, I try to steer clear from such clothing choices. Certainly there are very warm days where such options are the only ones that are reasonable, but overall I strive to retain a sense of modesty in all my coords.

I readily admit I am not an expert in applying all of these elements in my daily outfits just yet, but they are all aspects which I strive to embody. They continue to inspire me and push me to become and portray the woman I want to be. 

A Wardrobe Reimagined

 I've decided I need to jump into July with some positivity! I noticed that in June I started to get really hung up on the flaws in my wardrobe and all of the things I didn't like about it. I felt really uninspired by the lack of variety, and irritated by the items I never wore that were taking up space. Even more so, I was frustrated with myself and my own waning confidence in owning the style and daring to wear something that I know could make me feel elegant and beautiful. I didn't feel like I was doing the fashion justice, and that despite my many years in Lolita, I still didn't know how to properly coordinate or wear anything that solid black from head to toe. Simply put, I forgot where I stand in the fashion and what exactly it means to me.

But then I took a step back and really began to think about things. And I realized that how I feel about Lolita is actually not very complicated at all. In fact, it was the topic of one of my very first blog posts!  Plain and simple, I love Lolita because it's beautiful and it has the potential to make me feel lovely and magical. 

So in order to reignite the passion that has begun to simmer down over these past few months, I tried out something a little creative and made a collage of where I'd like to see my wardrobe headed.

So here's a quick snapshot into my future wardrobe! Obviously not everything I have saved to my wishlist is here, but I thought these pieces presented a pretty good idea as to what I'm hoping to accomplish with my style. My aim is to acquire a more classic look, and as far as my current wardrobe is concerned, that certainly means adding in a lot more color. My favorites are wine reds, dark blues and some dusty grays and pinks, though I highly doubt I'll ever completely end my love affair with black. 

Colors aside, I'm also hoping to explore more in terms of prints and accessories, namely tights. Although I've never been huge on prints (except for a short four month stint when I acquired my beloved Unico in Bloomland skirt I never wear), I do think some pretty, delicate flowers or small, understated prints might add some visual interest. I would also love some new tights, both in new solid colors (I'm thinking wine red and possibly cream), as well as perhaps even some printed tights. I really adore the look of printed tights, especially those with soft, muted florals, however I am nervous about purchasing any as I have a lot of issues with the fit of tights and I don't want to waste a lot of money trying to find something that is comfortable.

Even though the process will undoubtedly be long, I'm excited at the possibilities! For the longest time I feel as though I've forgotten how to even shop, scared to purchase anything that wasn't solid black for fear that it wouldn't match anything else. But now, especially with the encouragement of my boyfriend who just happens to be a wonderful dresser, I'm feeling ready to step it up and wiggle a little out of my comfort zone.

Thanks for sticking by my side lovely readers, I look forward to sharing where my new direction in Lolita will take me!

Elegance, maturity and self confidence

Unfortunately this update seems a bit like a continuation of my post I wrote a little earlier this month, but please bear with me. Although I'm very focused on currently upgrading my wardrobe to reflect who I really am, the process is a slow one and I suppose I should have expected some growing pains along the way. 

 Anyway, I would like now to divert your attention to the lovely couple on the left. Aren't they adorable? That would be my gorgeous best friend and her boyfriend, taking a picture just before they set off to a dinner party. I saw this picture pop up on my facebook not to long ago and it struck a chord with me.

For as long as I can remember my bestie and I have had very different personal styles when it comes to clothing. Not only are our bodies completely different, but our tastes are simply on separate paths. This isn't really something that tends to bother me, because everyone is unique, we all have our own preferences, likes and dislikes, and that's part of what makes every individual so beautiful!

Unfortunately, looking at this photograph made me realize something about myself. I'm not happy with the way I dress. This picture exemplifies an elegance and class that I admire, yet feel that I never seem to achieve. Of course, my friend's dress is nowhere near Lolita and it's not a dress I would feel particularly comfortable wearing, but it does leave me wondering-if I no longer feel beautiful in Lolita nor have I ever in more traditional clothing, then what's left for me?

I realize there are many substyles of Lolitas, but for me, the allure has always been about the grace, delicacy and antique beauty it offers. I wear Lolita in order to feel classy, not cute. Mature, not young. Then I realize that perhaps the problem lies within my utter inability to coordinate, rather than the actual clothes. It's all extremely frustrating, but it's leaving me in a position where all I'm wearing nowadays are the same long skirt+tank top+cardigan combo and all it's doing is leaving me feeling boring, sloppy and ugly. I study the outfits of the Lolitas I admire and attempt to piece together what exactly it is about them that works so beautifully, yet despite my efforts an outfit that filled me with pride at the beginning of the day will so often end in disappointment.

I'm not giving up just yet. Money has been very tight this month so perhaps the problem just lies in the fact that I haven't been able to update the basic of my wardrobe with classier pieces than what I previously had. I have managed to order one new JSK in a completely different style and color than I am used to, and I'm very excited for it to arrive since I hope that perhaps something completely out of my norm will be just the ticket I need to get me back on track, exploring new things and hopefully find myself.

Wardrobe Make-Over

Image from We Heart It

My Lolita wardrobe always seems to be in this constant state of flux, and never in a good way. For awhile all I wanted was to wear skirts and blouses. Then I only wanted prints. Then I wanted solid black, all the time. Nothing has ever lasted...except perhaps for my fondness for darker colors.

It's quite frustrating as I've been a Lolita for almost 7 years now (holy frijoles...has it really been that long?), and I still feel like I don't know any more about my style now than I did when I first started out. Sure, I've settled on a few elements that work for me, such as dresses tend to be a lot more flatting on me than skirts, chiffon blouses are amazing and that I'll probably never own a pair of tea parties in my life since dainty heels are just so much cuter, but I've yet to actually open my closet, look at my clothing and think 'Yes. This is exactly what I want.'

My dream is to be able to wear Lolita every day (or as close to every day as possible). Because I work in a very relaxed office, this is actually quite doable so long as I stay away from anything too OTT (which works out well for me as I've never been an OTT type of Lolita anyway). Yet despite this freedom, I find myself recycling through the same four of five outfits constantly and my dresses remain untouched. What gives?

I've decided to need to take a step back and take a really hard and long look at my closet and decide on what's working and what has overstayed its welcome. Unfortunately, that's the easy part. The next step is what I feel I've been truly avoiding for awhile not, but must be done if I ever want to really wear Lolita as often as I hope for. For what I really have to challenge myself to do is have a frank conversation with myself about my style, and what can realistically work on my body as opposed to what grabs me just because it's cute and fits. This also includes color, since I've been so comfortable in solid black for so long now that it's going to be a struggle to branch out to other shades. However, the constant monochromatic look, though pretty, starts to look a little juvenile after awhile and I really need to push myself to go out of my comfort zone. I doubt I'll be wearing tons of creams or pastels any time soon, and black will always have a prominent place in my wardrobe, but I hope to start incorporating some grays or wine reds into the mix.

I know this is going to be a long process, and my wardrobe won't be flipped around overnight. It's going to take some work and some honest thinking and decision making. But I'm excited to start and get back to wearing my frills soon!